Tony Robbins says that love is the oxygen of the human soul, and he is spot-on! It’s
The List Method disrupts the way women go about finding love – and not just any love but epic romance with their perfect match – and particularly those women who thought that their chance at love has passed.
What makes the List Method different from the way we do things now?
Just look at what we do – when we first pick a career we think about what interests us and what we’re good at before we proceed. Certainly, before we start a business, there are objectives, and mission statements and vision statements, and viability studies before we invest even one thin dime. We put a lot of thought into the next car we are going to buy – electric, or a hybrid, what make, what model. Heck, we make pretty detailed lists before we go to the grocery store but when it comes to finding the most important relationship of our lives – the one with someone with whom we will spend a considerable portion of our short time here on earth and with whom we will share everything we own – there we are willing to fly completely by the seat of our pants.
We leave it all up to chance – and then we’re surprised when things don’t work out. 50% of all marriages end in divorce and even the ones that manage to stay often say that relationships are really hard work – which doesn’t sound all that romantic. But relationships are only hard work because you're not with your perfect match! When you’re adored and worshipped and supported and loved, it improves a whole lot more than just your love life. You show up completely differently in the world. You feel more confident, more competent, and capable. You're running on all 10 cylinders and you’re able to live your very best life.
Most people never find that epic kind of love – why is that?
For a whole lot of reasons but mostly it’s because we don’t believe it exists. It's important to understand the inner workings of the mind, specifically how our beliefs determine our life experiences: We only see the world only through the framework of our beliefs and there is a scientific reason for that. We have this tiny center in our brain called the reticular activating system that does a very important job. It sorts and filters the billions of bits of information that come at us on a daily basis. There is so much information that if we saw it all we would be completely inundated and we would not be able to function. The reticular activating system filters out the extraneous and allows through only what we need so our world can make sense to us.
How does the mind decide what is extraneous and what is important?
Well, that’s the crux of the matter! The reticular activating system uses a very specific set of parameters to decide what's important and what's not and that is your beliefs. So, if it's something you believe to be true it gets ushered right on through. If it’s something you believe to be false it gets through but is treated sort of dismissively. Sadly, the vast majority of the information just gets blocked out altogether. That's why we have so many "blind spots".
So, while this little center in your brain performs a vitally important function it also ensures that we experience our beliefs over and over again and that our lives essentially become a self-fulfilling prophecy of experiences.
In what way does that show up in our lives?
We don’t ever see the whole picture. We don't see the real world; we only see what we already believe. So, if experience has taught you that all the good ones are already taken, that everybody lies and everybody cheats – that’s what you will keep experiencing over and over again. Have you ever noticed that bad luck seems to follow people? That's because their beliefs keep showing up over and over again. If someone has been abused, the next guy will do the same. And if you've come to believe that all relationships are hard work and that epic romance with your perfect lover simply does not exist then that that is how we will experience it – not because it's true but simply because that’s how the mind works.
So how can we turn that around?
The problem is that you cannot change an existing belief. See, a belief is not just a thought concept; it is an actual, physical manifestation in the brain. Think a thought long enough and often enough and the nerve fibers that are involved in that thought actually, physically reach out to one another and form what’s called synaptic connections. They form bridges over which the thought energy travels. And the more it travels over those bridges, the stronger they become, till, quite literally, we become "set in our ways".
Does this mean that we are stuck?
Well, here’s the good news! Although you can’t change an old thought, you can certainly think of a new one! So, while you can keep on thinking that everybody lies and cheats because that’s what you believe, you can also imagine what you would like to see in a perfect world. In other words, you can daydream a little. Fantasize, if you will. And that is where you will do the actual work. You'll sit down and really think about what you would want your ideal life to look like? What are your deepest personal desires? What are your personal standards and values? What is most important to you? What would your perfect world look? What are your ideals.
And when you’re really clear on what you want it will also become pretty obviously what your ideal partner would be like since they would have to be someone who has the same values and standards and the same basic ideas about life. So, you can come up with a very detailed description of the ONE person who is your perfect match. It’s very important to realize that you’re not trying to narrow the dating pool down so you’re still picking from the "existing inventory" and adjusting your needs to make it work, somehow. You are creating a specific description of ONE person - THE love of your life. If you have trouble, read The List Method for more information. After you do the work, you'll be surprised to see how easy it is. Because it’s like Rumi said:
“Lovers don’t just finally meet somewhere. They were in each other all along.”